Friday, April 22, 2016

Fraternal Correction or Verbal Torture?


The principle that we should correct our brother if he is sinning is mandated by Our Lord in Matthew 18:15. But what does this look like? The Catechism of the Catholic Church 1829 says that fraternal correction is the fruit of love:
The fruits of charity are joy, peace, and mercy; charity demands beneficence and fraternal correction; it is benevolence; it fosters reciprocity and remains disinterested and generous; it is friendship and communion: Love is itself the fulfillment of all our works. There is the goal; that is why we run: we run toward it, and once we reach it, in it we shall find rest.
The Catholic Encyclopedia asks that we consider the following circumstances before we subject someone to the torture of fraternal correction:
  1. The delinquency to be corrected or prevented is a grievous one;
  2. there is no good reason to believe that the sinner will adequately provide for himself;
  3. there is a well-founded expectation that the admonition will be heeded;
  4. there is no one else just as well fitted for this work of Christian charity and likely to undertake it;
  5. there is no special trouble or disadvantage accruing to the reformer as a result of his zeal.
Considering the foregoing, it seems to me a good idea to reflect on what charitable fraternal correction looks like. I think that the best attempt at fraternal correction is done:
  • with prayer,
  • if you don't have the same fault,
  • after taking counsel from wise peers who are familiar with the person you want to correct, and 
  • if you're not trying to control the person.
Fraternal correction is fundamentally an invitation. If it's not a big fault, suffer their presence in love and see if they don't realize themselves that they need to change. For instance, I know I'm loud and my friends have to put up with that from me. I'm aware of it and, from time to time, folks ask me to keep my voice down. My best friends tolerate how loud I am, and I'm thankful for that. There's a lot of give and take in any relationship, so be careful that what you're correcting is a real sin and not just a quirk of personality.

One of the greatest obstacles in living the Christian life is being upbraided by people who really want to control you. We've all met folks like that. Their practice of the faith is wrapped up in their own idealization of what they perceive to be good, mixed up with some personality defects, combined with contempt for anyone who doesn't do things their way. On a profound level, when they correct you, what you experience is a kind of revulsion at their own lack of authenticity. See the image, above.

Let's say your brother has a fault. The first thing to do is pray about it. If you have conversational intimacy with Our Lord, this is an easy thing. He'll tell you right away whether or not you should be concerned about the fault. Be careful to discern whether it's a sinful behavior or just a personality quirk.

Next, ask yourself if you have the same fault. If you do, then please don't correct your brother until your fault is at least on the way to being reformed. The essence of hypocrisy, it seems to me, is the assault on others when you're guilty of the same thing. If you can't correct your own fault first, and there's some grave matter involved and the other person needs correcting, see if you can ask another person familiar with the situation to correct your brother instead of you.

Seek wise counsel before correcting anyone. See if another person who can be trusted will support your effort through prayer and good advice. If other people see the same problem as you do, it's likely a good idea to go ahead with the correction. If others do not see the problem, be careful.

Finally, make sure you're not trying to control the person. Since one of the great dangers in the spiritual life is the notion that our own idealization of the good is absolute and everyone should do everything the way we do, be very careful that when you correct your brother you are merely pointing out a fault that you consider to be harmful, either to the person or to another, and invite your brother to reform.

If you have a legitimate position of authority over your brother, you can certainly assign a consequence to his not reforming, but I think that the best approach is to merely invite your brother to reform. Think about St. Therese of the Child Jesus who remarked, "I thank God that it's not my job to correct her." when she was asked by another member of her monastery to tell a different sister what to do.

This last part is especially important to consider: Love extends itself to another and invites the other to communion. Love never forces the will of another.

Now that this is out in the open, let's get around to engaging in true reform of ourselves, by the grace of God, so that we can carry on the work of the Gospel and invite our friends to embracing the good life with vigor. Peace!

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

If I met you on the road...

We travel far in distant lands to find ourselves, it's true.
Whether your hair is brown or red or moving now to blue.

God's truth speaks to us everywhere, we only have to hear
To see the power of His Word and hold each other dear.

An invitation I extend to share your walk with me.
We'll journey far to unknown lands and ever bless'ed be.

Provided that our destination's written in the Truth
Shed off the cares that tie us here and be unbounded Youth.

For Everlasting Man is known to each immortal heart.
We've faltered here from time to time and don't know where to start.

While different paths we walk some times will converge now or then,
Our pasts unite and we can choose to make the now the when.

- - - - -

Join me, please!
Let's see how far down the rabbit hole we can go.
It won't be easy, but we can have a lot of fun.
Peace